How often do we hear that we are supposed to stand and fight? If someone discriminates against us, if we are bullied, if we are surrounded by cruel people, if we are in a situation that bothers us on a regular basis and so on. No matter what is going on, we are told to stand and fight. otherwise we are a wimp, a wuss or a variety of other awful names. What if we didn't hold our ground? What if we just said "F*@# it" and walked away? Is that really such a bad thing?
My regular readers know I have been in a leadership position at my place of worship for some time. At first it was wonderful! I truly enjoy helping in such a way and that is why I am working towards ordination as Interfaith Clergy. Sadly, for every person who was happy to have me leading in this way, there was another who had serious issue with it. At first, they were quietly grumbling to each other. Lately it became a fight. Daily. I spent months fighting this and finally, a few days ago, I decided to walk away. No warning. I just sent out a notice of resignation.
Some people think they won and got rid of me. Oh how happy they are! The knowing smirks, the laughter... but that's ok. I fought long and loud enough that I got the changes I wanted. So, I quit. This was not an easy decision. Just like most of you, I have heard for all my life all the sayings about standing my ground, etc. I simply ignored them. Yes, I will still get those stupid little smirks directed at me for some time, but I am strong enough to ignore them. The important thing here is that I got everything I wanted.
Does that seem strange? Perhaps. Yet it's the absolute truth. I got everything I wanted there and most importantly, I am doing what is best for myself. In the end, that's what we have to do. It is so easy to focus on everyone else and their wants and needs. Women especially fall into that trap. We try to help everyone else and make them happy often to the detriment of ourselves. I have done that for most of my life, but not long ago i realized I can't do that. I have a variety of disabling health issues that sap my energy and leave me in constant pain. I fight it so that it's not always obvious even if it leaves me feeling worse. That comes from having it for most of my life. These days it's getting harder to hide. Spending plenty of time in reflection helped me see I have to stop. I have to do what is best for me.
The question is... do I regret resigning? No. Not in the least. I made more of a difference than people see right now, but I set into motion some great things that I am proud of. That was my goal. Since resigning I feel so much better! Stress gets my body in even worse shape and the sudden removal of my largest source of stress has been incredibly good for me. What's the moral of this story? Do what you need for yourself! There's nothing wrong with helping others, but don't do it to the point of causing your own self harm. Then you aren't any good to anyone!
Keep safe in this winter weather and take care of yourselves!
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