It's OK to Think for Yourself!

I have been caught into a number of conversations lately that have all had a central theme - how do we respond to an individual in a position of authority when we disagree with them?  This is a subject many don't want to touch.  Sometimes it's fear that what they say will make it back to said person.  Other times it's because they are afraid of making a choice.  I'm sure there are other reasons as well, after all, there as many reasons as there are individuals.  But the point is, should we be afraid to disagree?

Before moving forward, we must all learn a simple fact. NO ONE IS PERFECT. We are all human, therefore we can't be.  The problem arises when a person who is in a position of authority over a group begins to act as though they can not be wrong.  Ever.  It seems that the most common causes for this would be the person either has let the power go to their head or over time they reached a point where they no longer behave as they did when attaining a position of power.  In the end, it doesn't matter what the cause is.  What matters is that we recognize when this occurs instead of simply blindly following someone.

Blind faith is never good. It can lead to all kinds of ethical issues and, in the end, karmic ones as well. It won't do any good to one day cry "It's not my fault!  I was just doing what I was told!"  You made the choice to follow those directives.  You were not forced.  A sad situation I have seen is one in which a person of authority brings people in and slowly gets them so tied in to their group that by the time certain information is shared, the individuals have either given up their own will or feel they are so deep in they have no choice but to continue on.  We ALWAYS have a choice.

I have seen this happen.  I felt the need to cry for those left behind.  I was saddened by the knowledge I gained that so drastically went against all I had ever believed.  It even went against what the person had taught. Apparently, they felt that you could go against all these things once you reached a certain point in training.  I feel that no matter what, there are some lines you do not cross.  Especially as a person who is held up as a respected individual in a community.  Honestly, there was information I learned that left me feeling deeply betrayed.  Then, with my eyes newly opened,  I started really looking around...

I saw a bad situation.  I saw veiled manipulation.  I saw control.  I saw a strong implication that without this person, we were helpless and had to depend on them completely.  I saw secrets.  I saw misdirection.  I saw flat-out lying.  I saw things that went against all my deepest ethical beliefs. I saw a situation that I had to leave.  Fortunately for me, the Gods agreed.  I felt as if they had simply been laying little clues for me so i could figure it out. And then they waited.  As soon as I figured out what was going on and decided I needed to leave, my path was made clear.  Each step I took zoomed me several forward.  Things kept falling into place.  It was true amazing how it all worked out.

Where has this lead me?  In a very good place!  I knew where I was meant to end up.  I just didn't know the exact place I would be when it happened.  Finding the courage to walk away moved me to my destination years quicker than my old path would have.  The puzzle pieces of my life all fit together smoothly.  All is continuing to work out exactly as I had always wanted and far better than it would have before.  Yes, I do miss parts of my old life.  For a time, I missed friends. Then one day, i realized that hardly anyone from my old life had even spoken to me.  My leaving was missed only when they wanted something done I used to do.  Not a single "Happy birthday", or phones call, facebook message, or even kind words at Wal-mart.  I no longer existed to nearly all of them.  The few who really were my friend left at the same time.  We discovered many of these truths at the same time. It's as though we were meant to stick together.  Or so it seems the way it all played out.

In the end, walking away was the bravest and smartest thing I have ever done.  It was also the hardest.  To leave a place that we are familiar with,one which we have invested so much time, energy and possibly money is incredibly difficult and quite often painful.  It's ok to cry.  It' ok to miss people for a while.  It's ok to long for the world that was so much a part of your life.  We have to remember, all happens for a reason. Think on that time and what you learned.  I guarantee, you learned something.  Probably something greatly important.  Sit down and get your closure.  Otherwise, it will continue to stress you out.  At this point you have to remember, your new life can't fully happen until you let go of your old one.   Once you do, look out!  Life will happen quickly.  Think of it like a box.  You can't fill it full of new things until you dump out the old junk.

Go ahead.  Look deeper at that part of your life that a part of your mind keeps telling you isnt quite right.  It could be something small, or something huge.  Your intuition is talking to you for a reason.  If it's telling you to walk away from something, it's time to listen.  After all, how many clues do you really have to have?  Listen.  Hear what that voice is telling you.  Understand.  Accept.  Do what you know you need to do.  Then look up at the sky and smile.  You are on your way to the new life you deserve!

Voices of the Sacred Feminine - a Book to Change Our World

By now you may have noticed I am picky on what books I review.  I only accept requests on books that I have taken a close look at and feel are of great quality.  There are so many in print that are either pointless or can actually do harm that I feel if a book is going to be brought to people's attention, it better deserve it! This is a book I was asked to review.  I had high hopes for it when I first heard of it.  This is one request I can honestly say i am so glad appeared in my inbox.

We are in a time that knowledge of the Goddess in her many forms and her stories are becoming more and more visible.  This is a movement that brings relief to these of us who have spent decades or, as in my case, a lifetime waiting with baited breath for it to happen.  I admit to a strong leaning towards books of this nature.  Voices of the Sacred Feminine is one of the best of these new offerings I have come across in recent years. It is divided into five sections: I - Sacred Feminine. Deity, Archetype and Ideal. II -  Embracing the Sacred Feminine. Ritual and Healing. III -  Sacred Feminine Values – Alternatives to Patriarchy. Politics and Social Change. IV - Rebirthing the Sacred Feminine. Sacred Activism. V -  In Memory of Layne Redmond.  Each contains a collection of fascinating essays.

The greatest gift contained within this book is not only that it is nearly overflowing with wisdom from scholars all over the world from many different perspectives, but that it has such a variety of knowledge that anyone can find something of benefit.  A lifelong scholar can find updated information.  A newcomer will discover many different perspectives and facets of the Goddess.  Even someone who has never really thought about it, such as the spouse or loved one of a person who follows the Divine Feminine, can find so much knowledge that will help them better understand the path of someone important in their life.

This is a book to both sit and read through and save for later to refer back time and time again.  I can't recommend it highly enough.  Not only is Voices an important volume for pagans of any branch, but also for students of world religion, our children, and anyone interested in interfaith relationships with a pagan and/or Goddess worshiper.  This is a book about goddesses, pagan culture, and the hope for a future of gender equality. Read this for your mothers, your wives, your daughters and yourself. You won't regret a moment of it.

http://www.changemakers-books.com/books/voices-sacred-feminine-conversations-reshape-our-world

The Road to Second Degree Priesthood - a Review

I generally don't promote books on training for priesthood but I was asked to review this book and, I admit, I had pretty low expectations.  I have seen plenty of this type, usually full of spells and talk about the Law of Attraction.  So often it's either something that has nothing to do with real training or the information is extremely basic. Here is an excellent exception. I was very pleasantly surprised even at the very beginning at both the clarity and the knowledge the author exhibits.

Early on I found clear synopsis of different types of divination. Not the little fluffy version you generally see, but an accurate description of the benefits & pitfalls of each.  I was also pleased with the section on spellwork.  It is a rare thing to find a book with the purposes and methods of spellwork explained so well. Another rarity is the section on leadership responsibilities.  It would largely be applicable to any group, not only the traditional coven setting.  I personally found it excellent advice even in my position as Worship Chair at the UU. 

The book goes beyond standard topics of magical knowledge and discusses jobs of clergy, such as the proper way to run a circle.  I feel that this is one of the best explanations that I have seen. It covers all the steps needed to prepare the sacred space as well as bringing people in for circle.

I certainly wouldn't consider this a complete book of everything you need to know to attain Second degree knowledge, but I would say that it is an excellent continuation of a program of study.  Using this book as a guide along with further study corresponding with each chapter will give a person a good basis for their study. I would absolutely recommend this as part of a person's magical education.

http://www.moon-books.net/books/road-second-degree-priesthood

The Wheel of the Year Is Off!!! What Do I Do?

The winter snap has just started and facebook is already filling up with posts on the "Polar Vortex" and jokes about Mother Nature going crazy.  It never takes long for the annual jokes to be trotted out.  Most people will go along with their lives, scrambling to weather-proof their homes, dragging out sweaters and blankets, but what about those of of with an Earth-centered spirituality?  This does not go along with the nicely laid out Wheel of the Year we are taught!  What are we to do?  It has been ingrained into us that right now we should be gathering up the last bits of our harvest, decorating with pumpkins and lovely colored leaves, as well as spending our time in introspection with the Crone Goddess as the year transitions. Instead we have been bitten in the ass by icy cold weather and maybe even some snow!

Since Calleigh is visiting us early this year, let us take advantage of her gifts.  The Winter is a perfect time to go within and do inner work.  It's likely that with everything else in nature in turmoil, we are as well.  After all, we are not separate from nature but completely tied together. We feel the changes deep within and denying won't change that. Take advantage of the extra energy for self-work.  This time next year, you could be very grateful you did!

At the same time, don't get too worked up over this weather change.  I realize we are setting records for low temperatures and snowfall, but those records only go back a hundred years so so, depending on where you live.  If you listen to the climatologists, we are actually moving back to a more normal weather pattern.  Since we have started recording it, we have actually been at the end of a long-term cycle - the "good" end.  We might as well get used to these changes.  They are sticking with us! That means that we need to become less rigid in our thoughts of when seasons are supposed to be.  We are in store for a lot of change!

There is a word of caution.  Even though these energies are coming at us already, don't get caught up in the thinking that this is it and winter is here for good.  For most of us, that is not true.  This was a cold event  Treat the energies as just a taste. perhaps take this as a good time to figure out what you need to work on once the blanket of Winter settles around us.  Perhaps use this reminder of what needs to be done to prepare yourself for some major change. Or maybe take this as a reminder that there are plenty of people out there who need help in the winter - the disabled, the elderly, the desperately poor.  Things like food or helping winterize their homes would make a world of difference.  That is something so many forget.  We are all connected, so we need to act like it! Don't ignore this unusual

time. Make the most of it. You'll be glad you did!

Spirits of the Sacred Grove - a Review on a Gem of Druidism

Spirits of the Sacred Grove has also been published under the title "A Druid Priestess", although this title is far more fitting for the beauty contained within. From the beginning, the reader is taken on a journey.  We are brought into the world of the author, the world of the modern-day Druid.  This is no dry recitation of history or list of dos and don'ts.  This is a book to be experienced, not read. It is a journal full of passion that engages the soul.

I have had this on my wish list for a long time under it's past incarnation.  It wasn't something I was greatly anticipating - I had simply thought it might be of interest.  When I received the opportunity to review this, I didn't realize that it was one & the same.  Once I discovered this nice little surprise I decided to curl up and read his long-awaited book.  I never dreamed I would be pulled into it int he way I was.  I had expected it to be an interesting look at Druidry that I would slowly read.  Instead I was pulled into her life as she traveled the Wheel of the Year.  It was difficult to put it down!

Within this book you will find a lyric journey - part lesson, part story, part telling of her life.  Each page is brimming with wisdom. It is a book that I cannot recommend enough.  I know I will be pulling it out often, sometimes to study, sometimes to step into her experiences with her Grove, and sometimes for inspiration for my own spiritual path.  In the short time I have had this, it has already become an invaluable asset.  I can only imagine the treasure it will become in the future.

http://www.moon-books.net/books/spirits-sacred-grove

Harvest Season and the Harvest Within

Autumn is truly here.  It is my first as Worship Chair at UU and my first creating earth-centered celebrations appropriate for a UU group instead of wiccan.  It is a challenge, but a good one.

Working on this program has led me to think a lot about the deeper meanings of the harvest.  Usually, we look at the simple understanding - harvest of the crops.  We happily gather with our baskets of corn and apples, drinking grape juice or wine.  We might even share stories about the sacrifice of various grain deities.  But how often do we talk about personal sacrifice or harvesting things within our lives that we have planted - good or bad?

At the Summer Solstice I spoke to my congregation about working on those seeds we had planted in our lives during the spring. I watched people's faces as realization dawned that I was describing exactly what was going on in their lives. So many didn't see the connection before.  We wrote on slips of paper what we were working on specifically to harvest this fall. Some burned their papers without much thought, but there were some, more than I had expected, that paused and really thought about what they were doing.  I was very proud of them, and still am.

Another aspect of the Harvest season that we often overlook, many because they don't want to face it, is that of letting go of things that no longer serve us.  The simple truth is there comes a time when many things aren't good for us.  It many no longer be beneficial to the person we have become or it may have changed so that it is no longer the good thing it originally was.  Regardless of the reason, it is time to walk away. I had to make that decision a few months ago.  It was so very difficult.  It is hard to accept that something we loved has become toxic.  I admit, I had seen the signs for some time.  I was simply reluctant to let go.  Eventually the situation changed from being simply toxic to one that was poisoning myself and several people dear to me.  I finally had to step away.

When we experience this type of situation, what matters most is how we deal when we walk.  It is so feelings.  Go ahead.  Scream, cry, go through all those alternative ways it could have ended.  What's important is that you finally let out all those emotions and the true feelings you are not dealing with.  It is so easy to stay wrapped up in anger or hurt.  We can carry it around, never letting go, continually thinking about how badly the situation ended. The resentment can lead us to carrying anger inside that slowly eats us up.  All this is doing is letting the toxicity continue to destroy us.  This is a choice, therefore we can choose to finally let it go.  Take a couple hours you will be free from distraction and sit down to deal with the

In the end, this is the time to let go of things that have run their course.  If it was a good situation, give thanks for all the good times and be grateful for the smile you have left from the experience.  If it's something you had to let go of because it no longer serves you, figure out what you have learned from the time you spent.  No matter how bad something is, you can find something good.  The bad serves as a lesson if you will allow it.  Whether good or bad, release it with love for that is showing love to yourself.  In the end, loving ourself in a healthy way is one of the most important things we can do. 

Why do we Pray? + When a Pagan Prays - a Review

I was asked to review this book, not something I would normally pick up, and it turned out to be quite interesting.  This is a book all about examining perspectives. Why should we pray? How do people do it? How are the different ways it is done?  The book is written from a Druidic perspective, but I think it would be interesting to anyone with an interest, regardless of path or even faith.

A good point brought up in this book regards what we plan to get out of prayer.  Do we truly expect a response from a higher power, or are we simply praying to connect more to the world around us and/or the Universe? If we do expect a response, then we have to examine our feelings about the suffering in the world and the seeming lack of response to stopping those events.  A great sentence is this: " Our prayers probably reveal far more about the human in the equation than the implicated deity. "  Think about it.  Now think about the people you know who do pray.  Can you understand them a little more, just from their prayer method?  You will if you really give it thought.

For some people, prayer to some sort of Divinity has nothing to do with belief, spirituality or religion.  It's fear, plain and simple.  If there isn't some sort of "something out there nothing makes sense.  That "something" must have a strong tie to us and listen because otherwise we on't matter.  I think we've all know people like this. Since my reader's are almost all pagans or UUs, I think it's a safe bet that all of you are beyond that.  For the rest of us, prayer is usually either a way of keeping connection to a "something" that we have directly experienced. Our names & methods may differ, but in the end it doesn't matter if you bow and pray, meditate, drum, or something else.  It helps us ground & find balance. If we are lucky, we will feel that connection to the energies of the universe during our practice.

Let's look at the practice of praying for others.  The author makes an excellent point that this simple practice makes us more aware of the people around us.  If part of our practice focuses on others, then we are more aware of the difficulties people in our life are facing.  We are also more likely to notice the homeless Veteran on the street corner asking for change, or the line of people waiting outside the foodbank, and so on. It may not be in the intent, but it will completely change your perspective.

As the book goes on, the author documents the many changes she makes.  She studies prayer from the perspective of many faiths, spending time in churches & other holy places.  The best observance is when she points out the different outcomes from a petition prayer.  the person who focuses on the negative outcome suffers the most, some will find strength and courage while dealing with the problem, and others will learn a new perspective and will transform in other ways.  In the end, what matters is how the person deals with the lack of the desired outcome.

When a Pagan Prays is a fascinating look at the meaning and purpose of prayer. It is very well researched and uses a wide variety of perspectives making this an excellent resource for anyone interested in prayer, regardless of their faith.  It is written in such a way that the entire book flows as though it is simply one long train of thought. Reading this will enable you to gain greater insight into those around you as well as yourself.

http://www.moon-books.net/books/when-pagan-prays

Trees of the Goddess - a Review

Yes, another book review. LOL I had planned on just sprinkling a few in, but I spent the last few weeks dealing with some health issues and fell behind.  Now I am trying to get caught up!  Moon Books has so many wonderful choices. If you've never taken a look at their offerings, I would suggest you do. Now for one I am really enjoying - Trees of the Goddess.

This little treasure begins with the 13 month tree cycle. I have hunted for years for a good book that actually delves in to all of the aspects of each month.  Here you find information on the associated tree, the time of year, a lovely set of watchwords, planet, metal, and a concept.  Although the chapters aren't very long, this is no quick and simple overview.  The chapters get surprisingly in depth and will get you thinking with the watchwords & concept..

The second part is all about working with the trees.  It's a short section, but plenty of information including making your own set of Ogham Staves. Trees of the Goddess is only about a hundred pages long, but there is so much great knowledge in here.  I would absolutely recommend this gem is you are interested in the Tree Calendar.  It's a wonderful addition to my library.

http://www.moon-books.net/books/shaman-pathways-trees-goddess

Pagan Portals: Blacksmith Gods - A Review

There is an endless fascination with blacksmiths.  Once, they were a necessary part of a community.  Now, they are amazing artisans giving us a glimpse of a past time. No matter when or where a blacksmith has been, they were viewed with a sense of awe and wonder.

Once the life of a blacksmith was often seen as sacred.  This book delves into the utmost position of the sacred blacksmith - the Blacksmith God. So often a book of this type focuses on deities in just a certain pantheon.  Here is a lovely little book that takes us around the world throughout many points in the past.  It's not just a dry treatise, but full of poems and stories that bring a number of these deities to life.

I found this book fascinating. I have always been drawn to different types of craftsmen gods, so I had to read this as soon as it was available.  It brings up some gods in cultures I never would have thought of & some I had never heard of.  That certainly was a big plus!  However, while some have extensive information others have very minimal.  Some only had the country/culture and name of deity.  That was a bit frustrating.

This may not be a perfect book, but it is still well-worth reading.  It is a short read, just over a hundred pages, but those pages are crammed full of knowledge.  The book is perfect for research into deities as well as a great bit of folklore.  The author clearly did a lot of work finding all of this information to bring it all together.  I would absolutely recommend this for anyone with an interest in the stories or simply deeper working with deities.

http://www.moon-books.net/books/pagan-portals-blacksmith-gods

A Time to Heal

Healing…

This time of year it often seems as if everyone around us is asking for healing prayers. Healing for our bodies, our relationships, our careers, healing for anything and everything.  Most of the time a person posts a request online and they get a flurry of responses from well-intentioned individuals. After saying thanks to everyone the request usually goes to the back of the person’s mind to stay. Unless, of course, the outcome isn’t as they expected it to be. 

Healing, true healing isn't always a simple thing.  Sometimes in order to fix something the old has to be torn down a bit first.  Imagine our life as a house. Over time it will fall into disrepair.  Some things can be repaired easily enough.  Just call in an electrician, or a plumber, etc.  Maybe there are some wiring issues.  We work to keep the system maintained as best we can. Perhaps it stays in good condition for decades with just minor issues, such as a light switch occasionally not working right.  Perhaps instead there are serious problems such as frayed wiring causing fire hazards throughout your house.  Bringing in some “healing” won’t work at that point.  You have to accept that it is necessary to tear out the bad wire & replace it.

If we follow this example, then it is easy to see how the “healing” sometimes requires destruction first.  Healing and repair work aren’t always easy or a quick fix.  This is something our society seems to forget.  Changes and patience are required to truly repair something.  All else is just patchwork.  Even more important to remember, sometimes in order to truly heal we must take steps we don’t want to take.  The next time you think about asking for healing energy or prayers, think about what you are truly asking for.  After all, you just might get it.

The Divine Path, The Labyrinth

You never know where the Gods will direct your path.  Sometimes you get a hint of the future, but it's only a tantalizing glimpse of the future yet to come.You don't know when or how, only that something will be important one day.

That's where I am now.  I've known for most of my life where in the pagan path my life was meant to be, but I had no idea how I would get there.  The path has been much like a labyrinth.  At the beginning I could see the center, but since then I would get closer or farther, depending on where I was standing within the circuit. At certain points during the journey, there are waypoints - chances to make a needed change to get us where we are supposed to be. However, if we don't take that opportunity and make that choice we don't move forward.  Instead the center remains tantalizingly out of reach, yet still visible to us over the horizon.

I wrote the first part of this a couple days ago.  Today all is different.  Today I was denied for my Disability.  It's funny how one little piece of paper can affect your life so.  Once again, I am on a loop from which I can see the destination, yet it's not as close as it had seemed. Most of those around me responded with anger, disbelief, or tears.  However I had a long talk with someone who reminded me that this is simply another loop on this spiral.  She had no idea I was writing this blog either.  It's just what she was guided to say.

I have always been called to labyrinths. It's been almost an obsession.  Silly me, I never noticed that the times when they pop up in my life strongly are the times when i'm about to turn a new circuit.  Think about that for a moment.  Have you noticed anything that appears every time some major change is about to happen in your life? I bet you'll discover that it has some major symbolism for those changes.

Those of you who know me personally or who have been following know my life has undergone some major transitions over the past year.  Much has been very difficult.  However now that I realize why my personal symbol is a labyrinth I am much calmer and it makes more sense.  i can plan - in a way.  I know that i will have these long smooth periods with the occasional sudden drastic change.  Granted, that's not always so pleasant.  However I also can know that I will get glimpses of where I am meant to go.  That makes it easier.  I am fortunate enough to be able to see bits of my ideal future.  How lucky am I ?!?!

I admit, I am kinda down about the disability decision, but I know that it will work out at some point as it should be.  There is a reason for this.  You never know, maybe I simply need a bigger back-pay check so I can get my car fixed.  I don't know.  I do know that I am on track and going where I am supposed to. For now, I have to trust that I am doing as I'm supposed to and let things happen as they will.  Easier said than done, of course. I guess that makes this a good time to work on patience too!

www.facebook.com/whispersfromtheearth

Naming the Goddess - a Review

I was thrilled to get a chance to review this book early.  I had known about it because a dear friend has an essay within, but that just made the book extra special. Now that I have read it, I realize I have discovered what will be a much-valued book for my collection.  Enough so that I will be purchasing a hard copy to keep on my shelf.  Sometimes a book is great enough that a pdf file simply won't work.

Naming the Goddess is a remarkable collection of critical essays concerning modern Goddess Spirituality along with a large section of essays covering over seventy goddesses from around the world. I don't think there was a single essay I didn't enjoy. It has such a variety that it's easy to find something you are interested in, or if, like me, you like to learn about different perspectives and pantheons, then you will find plenty to catch your curiosity.

I was pleased at the vast variety of authors.  Some essays were more scholarly, while others spoke straight to your soul.  A book such as this is special in that whatever mood you are in you will find someone to match it.  And of course the best part... A book of so many writers, so many topics and so many goddesses means that no matter what you expect, you will find some hidden gem pop out of nowhere. I admit, I have taken to randomly flipping to a page to see what delight will show up.  Somewhat like divination, I have discovered that each time the essay will be relevant to my life at that time and give me some wise answer to a question I didn't necessarily know I needed to ask.  This may not be the book's purpose, but it has become an added joy for me.

There isn't much to say other than get this book! If you are a follower of the Goddess, interested in mythology, or simply want to get an idea of exactly what children of the Goddess believe, then pick up a copy for yourself. You won't regret it!

http://www.moon-books.net/books/naming-goddess

But I Don't Wanna Accept Personal Responsibility!

Tonight the Muses are calling.  Every now and then, something happens that we can't sit by and watch. We must act.  This is one of those nights for me.  After acting I felt like there was more to do.  And so, I write. It's nothing eloquent, but I think you'll see why it needed to be shared.

How many times have you heard someone, especially an adult, push off blame on to someone else "I didn't do it.  It's his/her fault.  I'm innocent!"  This has become so common in our society today. It is a common practice among adults and accepted by children as the proper way to behave.  It is also damaging to all aspects of life, not the least, to ourselves. Have you ever had a relationship - either romantic or platonic - dissolve due to one of you doing something and not taking responsibility?  Were you the one who wouldn't take it?  Something to think about...

Our egos get in the way.  Plain and simple. We want to always be right about everything.  The question we need to examine is "why?"  Why do we need to know everything?  Why do we need to be perfect? Why do we need to always be right?  Think back to when you were growing up.  If I were a gambling person, I'd bet you spent plenty of time exposed to adults who were the same way.  Of course it is reinforced by the need for perfect grades, spelling bees, award programs in school and so on.  There is nothing wrong with aspiring to get good grades, learn a lot and be right.  The problem is the emphasis on not being wrong.  

What's the difference?  Imagine this scenario.  When I was in elementary school I had one teacher that really pushed the spelling bee. I did well.  I made it to the big one in front of the whole school.  I then missed my first word.  It could have played out two ways: 1. being told it's ok, I would do better next year. Things that acknowledged I was wrong but were still supportive.  2. being laughed at & having the teacher ask over & over (in front of the other students) what was wrong with me?  how could I have missed that word?  and so on.  Number two was my experience.  From then on, I would purposely miss my first word during mandatory tryouts so I never had to compete again.  Imagine if the other scenario had taken place instead.  Maybe in that case I would have worked harder and done better the next year.  Maybe I would have felt so supported that I would have eventually won. We'll never know.  

I have spent the last few years working hard to overcome the ego, but sometimes it still rears its ugly head.  Luckily, I almost always catch it and keep it quiet.  Of course it's nice to be right, but it's ok to be wrong.  Think of it this way... each time you are wrong gives you an opportunity to learn how to be right!  If you learn from your mistakes they can be good things.  We make plenty of mistakes in life.  We are only human, mistakes are part of what defines us as beings.

Imagine a world in which we are allowed to make mistakes, we are allowed to be wrong.  It's ok! Mistakes and being wrong are considered by our society as simply an opportunity to learn.  We mess up at work. The boss  takes us aside to be trained better so the mistake doesn't happen again...

Our child fails a test at school.  Along with the F paper thats sent home is some adapted work to help them understand how they did poorly and get caught up while allowing them to also improve their grade...  

We have a big fight with our significant other, but we have learned ways to resolve an argument so the problem doesn't harm the relationship. We talk and the relationship is built even stronger by taking the opportunity to understand the other person better...

This world doesn't exist now, but it can in the future.  The only way it will happen is if we start now.  When one of these opportunities arise, change the way you respond.  Be the change.  Improve the world.  It starts with one person.  Be that person.  Show the change.  Let it spread to another & another. Then one day it will be the reality.  Imagine what a different world it would be - all starting with making it ok to be wrong...

Once Upon a Time...

Once upon a time...
many things were true. I was a musician, a writer, a minor leader in my local pagan community.

My world was surrounded by music.  The ebb and flow of the symphony, or maybe the driving beat of drums pulling me to my feet.  Another time the gentle flow of the native flute swirling around. There was no music that didn't fill my space at one time or another. At time I played, all others I listened.  Regardless of the source, music was all around me.

I wrote.  Constantly.  At one point I was a contributor to 4 different magazines a year with due dates sometimes multiple times a month. There was regular columns, freelance pieces and book reviews. It didn't matter what, I would write it. The words simply flowed from my mind to my laptop and sometimes it seemed I couldn't stop them.  I still have every piece I have ever written sitting in a file on my computer, waiting for new ones to join them.

Yes, I have been involved in the pagan community a great deal over the years.  I have taught classes, offered counseling, and led rituals.  I've been trained in several traditions and earned titles. The specifics don't matter, only the fact that I have continually educated myself and shared those teachings with others.  I have always been pulled towards serving in this way.  Even if I stepped back intending to stop, people would come to me, asking for help or simply guidance to the best direction.

The Universe is making it possible for me to be surrounded by music again, and through the help of some amazing physical therapists, even play some.  I am now getting the opportunity to write again. Perhaps most importantly, I am getting the opportunity to be a religious leader again. This last is quickly snowballing into a major position. I have spent a great deal of time thinking how to approach my new responsibilities.  I am learning the role of a clergy person.  I have begun teaching again, have led my first religious program in years, and this weekend I will perform my first Blessing of a Union. It is a great honor to do such a thing! I am growing accustomed to finding emails in my inbox asking for help or ideas on worship programs or assistance for something we want to do in out Fellowship.

A bit ago I mentioned doing some book reviews.  It was something I had tossed around in my head.  I was trying to decide what kind and how to do it.  Then I received an email asking to review Witchcraft Today: 60 Years On.  It's not a book I would have considered, but something about that email pulled me in.  After reading through, I understand why.  Part of what I said I was willing to teach was a general idea of the different types of paganism.  This book can do a far better job than I ever could.  It is an anthology of short essays telling about so many different paths.  This is perfect for both those who are wanting a little more indepth explanation for finding their own path as well as a good guidebook for individuals, such as UUs, who simply want to understand a little more in order to relate to people of different paths.  Personally, that is an audience I will be recommending this to.  I'm not writing  a long in-depth review on this book.  I don't feel like there is a need, especially here.  My only other thought about it would be that it is well-written, informative yet accessible, and is highly recommended for the more advanced seeker or open-minded individual.

Much of my life is changing.  I am returning to who I am and who I was working to be, only now I can do it in a better way.  I can do it far more truly to my authentic self which allows me to follow my paths more securely.  I can be happy!  I can be who I am.  I have been losing many people during this journey, but every good fairy tale has the main character walking away from the negative people in their life... the evil stepsisters, the jealous family, the "friends" who frame others so they can get away with wrongdoing.  I am working towards Happily Ever After.  Considering where I'm now at, it shouldn't be much longer!

Don't wait to go after your happy ending. No matter what has happened, how old you are or where you are in your life, go for it!  At least take those first steps.  Even if you never get to the end, you will smile a little more every day you are on your journey to you true self.  And of course, happiness is what matters.  Go!  Find what makes you happy & do it!

For more information on the above-mentioned book, please go to this website. http://www.moon-books.net/books/witchcraft-today-60-years-on

Beauty is before me, and beauty is behind me...

Beauty is before me, and beauty behind me,
Above me and below me hovers the beautiful.
I am surrounded by it, I am immersed in it.
In my youth, I am aware of it,
And, in old age I shall walk quietly the beautiful trail.
In beauty it is begun. In beauty it is ended.
~  Navajo Prayer  ~

Have you ever gone outside immediately after the rain?  There is a special kind of serenity in that moment.  It is almost like a place out of time.  The rich smell of wet soil assails your nostrils.  The light chill in the wind as it wraps around your body, even in summer. The energy of unformed lightning tingling your skin.  It has its own special beauty.
In this moment I am sitting on my bed & listening/feeling the deep bass rumble of the thunder rolling across the pastures surrounding my house.  The sun has gone into hiding for the night so I can't see the storm, only experience it through my other senses. This is a perfect reminder to experience the world in other ways. Tonight, my focus is on beauty.  I hear people talk about how horrible the world is.  Sad news stories are shared & forwarded all over the internet.  I tell someone that I intentionally keep my newsfeed on facebook only showing good things & happy things.  I am told I am crazy. If I am crazy for wanting to surround myself with joy, then I can handle that!

My recent life changes that some are still not fully comprehending have resulted in a much happier day. Many of the people who are pulling away or gone altogether are the ones who spoke most strongly against my choice to live a life of happiness.  It's funny how so many people only want to be in your life if it makes them feel better about their own dissatisfaction.  But as soon as you are happy and their attempts to pull you down fail, suddenly the "friendship" is over.  I say Good Riddance!

I have spent the weekend with someone new to seeing to great joy that life can give you.  It is a beautiful thing to watch.  I was inspired to open my eyes even wider to joy and show even more of my true self to the world.  Or should I say, to even more people.  I am choosing the path of subtle beauty.  I am not screaming my true nature at the top of my lungs. That would be silly!  Instead, the truth is there for those who care to see, for isn't true beauty in subtlety?  It is not the brazen red lily in the garden that everyone remarks on.  It is the soft wild rose growing on the edge of the woods, happy in its unusual place that makes person stop to appreciate.  I choose to be the wild rose.
Tonight, as I close my eyes and drift off into sleep I shall allow the soft rumbles of thunder to sink into my bones. My ears will seek out the whistle of the wind weaving through the trees just on the other side of my bedroom walls.  My body will eagerly accept the infusion of energy from the flashing lightning.  My spirit will allow the sound of falling rain to wash away any stresses of the day.  The beauty of the storm will restore me as I sleep.  Beauty is everywhere, we only must look around to see it.

Fear Won't Hold Me Back!

Fear....

Fear is a demon that lives within.  It is a straightjacket tied too tightly.  It is the one thing that prevents us from living a full life.

Those of you who follow this blog or know me personally understand I've had it rough over the last few months.  My life has turned & flipped & spun and ended up so at times I could hardly recognize it. I have lost many relationships and the ones I still have are mostly changed.  But this was all good.
I have left what has been my spiritual family for years and joined a new one.  I have a different faith designation, although my beliefs are the same. I have begun giving lectures and have been asked to teach. And this is also good.

Fear is what held me back from these changes.  I admit that.  I let fear of losing people from my life and fear of just being lost hold me back. One day, for whatever reason, I took that step anyway. I am pleased with the results.  I admit I'm still dealing with the  repercussions which seem to never stop rippling, but it is becoming easier with each passing day.  Seeing several people near & dear to my heart struggling to overcome their fears has made it easier for me as well. We have joined together to deal with our fears together! This support is what really helps you to get through the dark nights.

While all this is going on, a book popped up. I recently joined a couple book clubs at my library and one of them is for YA books that are really more adult.  This month was The Scorpio Races by Maggie Steifvater.  It's an interesting book, basically about a young woman overcoming her fear, a fear with a very good purpose!  Imagine living on an island where vicious horses come literally out of the sea.  When I say vicious, I mean that people who try to ride them sometimes end up dead, and you do NOT want to run across one out in the open during a stormy night!

Now why am I mentioning this book?  It came at a time I was working through dealing with fears.  This young woman has to overcome  incredible fear and ride in the race with these horses that come storming from the sea.  It is the only way to save her home & provide for her family.  It is rare that I get caught up in a book like this, especially a YA book, but this was a great exception.  You are pulled in and actually live through her fears as well as the other main character, a young man who has tamed one of these horses, but has his entire life riding on the outcome of this race.  I do highly recommend reading it yourself.

I admit, this book wasn't something that changed my life, but it came at the perfect time and gave me another perspective on fear.  It made me think....  Granted, this is only a book, but here are two young people who are stepping forward into not just fears, but terrors because they know they have no other choice.  It made my own problems seem somewhat less scary.  It makes you think about the fact that plenty of real-life people are dealing with things far worse than I was.  And so, I took that first step.  I keep on taking steps.  What will be, will be. I can't control other people's reactions. I can only control my own.

Now, I am on a journey of moving past those things that have held me back for so long.  It feels amazing!  I never know what the day will bring, so each moment is an adventure!  Go out & find your own adventure.  There are plenty to go around.

And now... It's Time to Move Forward into the Sun!

There has been a great deal of transition in my life recently.  It has led to some major revelations and new perspectives.  I am a big believer in learning from other people's experiences, so I hope this blog entry may be some help and inspiration to some of you.

I have for several years been closely tied to a Wiccan group near my home.  I'm not Wiccan, nor have I ever been.  I'm actually more of an Earth-based Spiritualist, but this group was the closest I could find to my beliefs, so that's where I went.  I did my best to work with them, but I never really fit. Over time, my personal practices were no longer so acceptable there and it became one of many reasons I was slowly being pushed out.  All these reasons involved me trying to stay authentic to myself which kept me from fitting in.  One day I woke up and decided it was time to be fully authentic to myself and be happy.  So I left.  I have found a new home where I am free to follow my beliefs and practices and even teach them to others.  I found a place that feels like home.

As you can imagine, this was a deeply emotional process.  My entire life was tied up there.  Nearly my entire social circle and calendar consisted of this group of people.  I not only lost my life outside the house, but I lost "friends". Why did I put that in quotations?  The people I lost simply because I was going a different way were not true freinds.  A friend wants you to be happy.  The emotional trauma that came from this was from learning how many people had merely pretended to be friends.  I had never expected it to be so many.  The result is a good thing, however. The people who remained behind I KNOW are friends.  This situation is bringing us even closer.  It has also allowed me room to bring in things I have missed in my life but never had time for in my old life.  Not to mention plenty of new friends who like the true me.

I'm finally reading again as I wished.  I even plan on adding some book reviews to the blog in the near future. I have joined two book clubs.  Someone very special to me was sweet enough to get me an Amazon gift card for my birthday.  Nothing could have been better for a book addict who is just getting back to reading what they want! Even more importantly, I finally have the opportunity to start teaching again.  This has been my wish for a long time. I'm sure my teaching will bleed over to this blog as well.

By now you may be wondering what is the point of this blog on my recent changes.  The point is that no matter hard it is, it's not worth staying in a place where you aren't happy.  It's so easy to just go along and deal with it.  You learn to ignore the bad parts because you don't want to give it up for the unknown.  Slowly that dark cloud above your head gets darker and darker. When that little voice in your head tells you it's time for a drastic change, do it.  Close your eyes and take that step into the unknown. I know it's scary. I gave up nearly everything by doing it.  But that step away from the unhappy familiar allows you to recreate your life in a way that makes you happy to wake up every morning!

Remember this great truth - from destruction comes creation.  A garden must have the soil torn up while the remains of the garden before are mixed in if it is to grow.  A good house cannot be built on top of one that has rotten walls & a crumbling foundation. You must tear it down to rebuild a stronger home.  That is what you are doing if you leave an unhappy life. I hope all of you reading this are either truly happy in your life or you are making the changes necessary to find that happiness.  Step out of the shadow of that dark cloud and move forward into the sun!!

"One Day..."

One day… 

It all begins with one day.  One day I’ll do it.  One day I’ll take that step.  One day I'll go after that dream.  One day…  The thing about “one day” is that you have to decide when that day is and reach out & step towards whatever it is you are waiting for.  Otherwise it just sits there, abandoned and gathering dust.

For me, right now, I have lost so many chances for “one day.” 48 hours have changed my life in ways that are still hard to fully comprehend. Dreams are gone. Faith is lost. Trust is destroyed. Relationships are irretrievably broken. I certainly never could have imagined all of it happening together. I am at a place where I must learn to somehow pick up the pieces of my life and start over almost from scratch. There have been several times in my life, in all of our lives where we have moments where we think this way - after a divorce, loss of job, health situation, etc.I know I have. But now, in this moment,i realize i was wrong about just the extent of how severe the loss has been in my past. Nothing could have prepared me for this.  In this loss, this catastrophic change, even my support system has drastically shifted.  

I blinked and the world as I knew it was no more. I learned that when loss occurs we have to grieve & grieve hard! Immediately! I was hit with a panic attack last night. It was the worst of my life.  I nearly blacked out on my bed with my cat beside me.  As bad as things were at that point, even more disaster happened today. For whatever reason, the Universe decided to do a big clean sweep of my life. So now, I get to figure out what to do next.

One day...

Now I am starting over in so many ways.  In many it is a curse, but buried under the rubble and ash of my old life is a tiny blessing. I can start over. Very few people get the chance to do so.  That is truly a gift to me during this time.  How often do we hear someone lament that they wish they had such an opportunity? Here it has been handed to me. Unexpectedly, sure.  But we can't turn down a gift from the Divine.

I have lost the focus of my life.  I have lost a number of people.  I have lost many plans.  I have lost my goal that I have been working towards for years.  I have lost... well, let's just say nothing is as it was. Even that which I did not lose has changed. I fully believe everything happens for a reason,however, so this must have as well.  I do know that the one thing that remained, just in a different state, has a chance at becoming something even better now.  I know my priorities will shift leaving me room for some things I had lost but suddenly may get to now have. This is an opportunity to change my life into what I really want. I get a chance to go after my deepest dreams.

One day...

There are so many things I have always wanted.  I admit, I have given up on many dreams.  I have faced a lot of things in my life that I have seen break other people. I abandoned the term "survivor" because it brings back too many bad memories of exactly what I survived. Somehow I made it through the nightmares of my past, but as a result I gave up hope for myself. Common, I know. I avoided becoming one statistic only to become another. When you make it through life-changing events that are drastic you give up your hopes and dreams. I was one of the lucky ones who simply became incredibly grateful for all that life and the world have to offer. Sure, it works, but you give up a lot because you no longer look for anything beyond that which is simple to find. I now have a chance to pull out my broken dreams, dust them off, and nurture them into fulfillment. I have no idea where I will go from here,but I do know that for the first time, I'm going to be able to have some control over where my path leads. I now will write my own story.

One day I woke up and started my life over. It was wonderful!

And One Day, Suddenly You Were Strong...

Many of us have pain, great pain. We keep it hidden from the world, wrapped up in shield after shield hoping we will manage to somehow never really deal with it. If some little crack in those shields appears, we frantically fill it with whatever we can, hoping & praying those repairs will hold.  We do this for years.  We put so much effort into hiding from this pain, this does injury to our inner selves. Slowly, our self-esteem crumbles.  We may overcompensate to pretend this injury doesn't exist, laughing a little too loudly, saying "no, it doesn't matter" a bit too often, or we slowly give in to the crumbing and lose faith in ourselves, actually believing that we aren't that special, doubting our abilities, or maybe even accepting that we are meant to have a life alone except for those few friends..  However we respond, slowly our life become less than it could be.

Then one day, one not so special day, it happens.  Something, some song on the radio, a random comment you overhear, or something else entirely. Just some THING hits you right in the heart and suddenly, you know.  It's time to let down the shields and deal with it.  This can be terrifying.  Just the thought of pulling down those shields to get to the agony inside can be enough to make you truly physically ill. But in this moment, you know that it would be worse to leave them up. This is when true fear often hits.  With the shields up, you could ignore this pain.  Now you have to face all the darkness that is buried inside. All the trauma from your past that led to this problem will coming spilling out and must be dealt with.

Two beloved people in my life are currently dealing with their own pain in this way. They are learning to finally be true to themselves and do what is best for them, not everyone else. One is doing this mostly on their own with the occasional late-night discussion to vent and ask for another perspective. The other is having a very difficult time and is needing frequent encouragement. Neither way is wrong. It can be so difficult to let your spirit shine and follow your true path to bliss.  If you need the encouragement, look to those in your life who truly just want you happy, whatever it takes. They will be there for you every step of the way.You will unfortunately come across some in your life who immediately will cause you difficulty. Maybe they are so set on their path that they have blinders on to anything else, or maybe they are jealous that you have found the courage they lack.  Whatever the reason, these people will inevitably be encountered on your journey. It can be heart-breaking to deal with them, but this is part of your journey.  You can't tear down those shields & expect the climb through the rubble to be easy.  There will be challenges, but take heart!  These challenges will all make you stronger than you can imagine when you emerge.

This is not a quick journey, but it is worth the struggle.  You will lose some friends. This is a sad truth and one of the hardest parts of this process.  But you will gain others. These will be people who accept you for all that you are. In the end you will find true joy. You will find yourself surrounded by people who love you. You will feel confident in what you do. You will wake up each morning with a smile on your face. All this will happen because one day, suddenly you were strong...

All photos are found on line.  If source is known, it is on the picture or beneath.

A New Year. A New Beginning

My child.  It is a new beginning. The sun will now return, slowly lengthening the days. As its gentle rays shine warmly upon your face bring the new into your life.  As the light slowly grows, so shall your Change.  Do not rush, my child.  That which is worth doing, is worth doing right - with care and with love. Find that desire which is true in your heart.  Take that seed. Nurture it.  Keep it safe. Nestle it close and let it grow. Then,when the time is right, set it out to take root in the world.  That is the secret of bringing true change to your life...

Here we are at the beginning of another year.  Everyone around us is full of excitement for their resolutions.  You know the kind - the resolution that every year your friends decide is so important that THIS year they will be able to stick to it!  The exercise routine, the new healthy diet, catching up on the list of home repairs that keep getting put off... After a month or so, the enthusiasm wanes. A few weeks after that, the resolution is forgotten. Maybe it's time to change the way we greet the new year.

Anything else in life that we start anew, we tend to ease into.  It simply makes it easier to integrate into our lives by taking this route. For whatever reason, it's different this time of year. It's almost become a competition to see who can come up with the grandest plan & stick to it the longest.  But the louder the resolution, the less likely it seems to work out.  Perhaps that means it's time to try the gentle, quiet resolution instead.

Don't worry about what everyone else wants.  Do you really want to go on that crazy diet to lose X amount of weight because you want to, or because your mother/sister/best friend/favorite magazine says you need to?  Do you want to work out to feel healthier and have more energy, or to look good to women?  Maybe a good resolution would be to spend this year learning what you really and truly want in life to make you happy.  This may sound like a simplistic thing, something that would be as quick as writing out a short list and then being done with it.  But is it really that easy? Are you sure you know your true, deepest desires of your heart and soul that quickly?

Let's examine the common resolution of a new diet. First of all, why do you really want to do it?  To lose weight. Ok. Why? To be thinner. Why? So you can fit into smaller size clothes. Why?  Keep going.  Keep asking why over & over.  More often than not, the true motivation behind a desired change is not what you expected. This is not to say that the desire for a diet is wrong. The journey to the heart of the matter can help you learn not only how others influence you, but also what you truly want. Say that a person wants to lose weight and they discover it's because their family made jokes about them being fat growing up and it stuck with them.  That's the sort of thing that may have become so ingrained into the subconscious that its not even noticed anymore. The journey of understanding can not only uncover hidden truths, but lead to another path of learning what you truly want and need to be happy. The person who had been made fun of may discover she's ok with her weight and instead simply wants to eat a bit healthier and not worry about a number on a scale or clothing tag.

This exploration is a life-changing event. Be prepared.  Your group of friends may change.  Your lifestyle, career, relationship, everything. But don't be fearful of this change.  Each new step you take will bring more joy into your life as you are being more authentic and true to yourself.  The more joy you have in your life, the easier it will be to make the changes and to face people who don't like the new you.  Each time you step on a new branch of this journey, you will feel lighter, brighter, and happier. Simply keep asking "Why?" then follow along where it leads.

The journey to discovery is not a quick one, nor is it easy. There will be heartache as well as tears of joy along the way. Long-held beliefs will be shattered.  New ones will seemingly fall from the sky. To truly walk this path & partake of the wonders along the way, you must be willing to become a completely different person.  This is nothing to fear for the person you become will be the true you. Now, open the door, step through, and take that first step.  Good luck to you!