Beauty is before me, and beauty is behind me...

Beauty is before me, and beauty behind me,
Above me and below me hovers the beautiful.
I am surrounded by it, I am immersed in it.
In my youth, I am aware of it,
And, in old age I shall walk quietly the beautiful trail.
In beauty it is begun. In beauty it is ended.
~  Navajo Prayer  ~

Have you ever gone outside immediately after the rain?  There is a special kind of serenity in that moment.  It is almost like a place out of time.  The rich smell of wet soil assails your nostrils.  The light chill in the wind as it wraps around your body, even in summer. The energy of unformed lightning tingling your skin.  It has its own special beauty.
In this moment I am sitting on my bed & listening/feeling the deep bass rumble of the thunder rolling across the pastures surrounding my house.  The sun has gone into hiding for the night so I can't see the storm, only experience it through my other senses. This is a perfect reminder to experience the world in other ways. Tonight, my focus is on beauty.  I hear people talk about how horrible the world is.  Sad news stories are shared & forwarded all over the internet.  I tell someone that I intentionally keep my newsfeed on facebook only showing good things & happy things.  I am told I am crazy. If I am crazy for wanting to surround myself with joy, then I can handle that!

My recent life changes that some are still not fully comprehending have resulted in a much happier day. Many of the people who are pulling away or gone altogether are the ones who spoke most strongly against my choice to live a life of happiness.  It's funny how so many people only want to be in your life if it makes them feel better about their own dissatisfaction.  But as soon as you are happy and their attempts to pull you down fail, suddenly the "friendship" is over.  I say Good Riddance!

I have spent the weekend with someone new to seeing to great joy that life can give you.  It is a beautiful thing to watch.  I was inspired to open my eyes even wider to joy and show even more of my true self to the world.  Or should I say, to even more people.  I am choosing the path of subtle beauty.  I am not screaming my true nature at the top of my lungs. That would be silly!  Instead, the truth is there for those who care to see, for isn't true beauty in subtlety?  It is not the brazen red lily in the garden that everyone remarks on.  It is the soft wild rose growing on the edge of the woods, happy in its unusual place that makes person stop to appreciate.  I choose to be the wild rose.
Tonight, as I close my eyes and drift off into sleep I shall allow the soft rumbles of thunder to sink into my bones. My ears will seek out the whistle of the wind weaving through the trees just on the other side of my bedroom walls.  My body will eagerly accept the infusion of energy from the flashing lightning.  My spirit will allow the sound of falling rain to wash away any stresses of the day.  The beauty of the storm will restore me as I sleep.  Beauty is everywhere, we only must look around to see it.

Fear Won't Hold Me Back!

Fear....

Fear is a demon that lives within.  It is a straightjacket tied too tightly.  It is the one thing that prevents us from living a full life.

Those of you who follow this blog or know me personally understand I've had it rough over the last few months.  My life has turned & flipped & spun and ended up so at times I could hardly recognize it. I have lost many relationships and the ones I still have are mostly changed.  But this was all good.
I have left what has been my spiritual family for years and joined a new one.  I have a different faith designation, although my beliefs are the same. I have begun giving lectures and have been asked to teach. And this is also good.

Fear is what held me back from these changes.  I admit that.  I let fear of losing people from my life and fear of just being lost hold me back. One day, for whatever reason, I took that step anyway. I am pleased with the results.  I admit I'm still dealing with the  repercussions which seem to never stop rippling, but it is becoming easier with each passing day.  Seeing several people near & dear to my heart struggling to overcome their fears has made it easier for me as well. We have joined together to deal with our fears together! This support is what really helps you to get through the dark nights.

While all this is going on, a book popped up. I recently joined a couple book clubs at my library and one of them is for YA books that are really more adult.  This month was The Scorpio Races by Maggie Steifvater.  It's an interesting book, basically about a young woman overcoming her fear, a fear with a very good purpose!  Imagine living on an island where vicious horses come literally out of the sea.  When I say vicious, I mean that people who try to ride them sometimes end up dead, and you do NOT want to run across one out in the open during a stormy night!

Now why am I mentioning this book?  It came at a time I was working through dealing with fears.  This young woman has to overcome  incredible fear and ride in the race with these horses that come storming from the sea.  It is the only way to save her home & provide for her family.  It is rare that I get caught up in a book like this, especially a YA book, but this was a great exception.  You are pulled in and actually live through her fears as well as the other main character, a young man who has tamed one of these horses, but has his entire life riding on the outcome of this race.  I do highly recommend reading it yourself.

I admit, this book wasn't something that changed my life, but it came at the perfect time and gave me another perspective on fear.  It made me think....  Granted, this is only a book, but here are two young people who are stepping forward into not just fears, but terrors because they know they have no other choice.  It made my own problems seem somewhat less scary.  It makes you think about the fact that plenty of real-life people are dealing with things far worse than I was.  And so, I took that first step.  I keep on taking steps.  What will be, will be. I can't control other people's reactions. I can only control my own.

Now, I am on a journey of moving past those things that have held me back for so long.  It feels amazing!  I never know what the day will bring, so each moment is an adventure!  Go out & find your own adventure.  There are plenty to go around.

And now... It's Time to Move Forward into the Sun!

There has been a great deal of transition in my life recently.  It has led to some major revelations and new perspectives.  I am a big believer in learning from other people's experiences, so I hope this blog entry may be some help and inspiration to some of you.

I have for several years been closely tied to a Wiccan group near my home.  I'm not Wiccan, nor have I ever been.  I'm actually more of an Earth-based Spiritualist, but this group was the closest I could find to my beliefs, so that's where I went.  I did my best to work with them, but I never really fit. Over time, my personal practices were no longer so acceptable there and it became one of many reasons I was slowly being pushed out.  All these reasons involved me trying to stay authentic to myself which kept me from fitting in.  One day I woke up and decided it was time to be fully authentic to myself and be happy.  So I left.  I have found a new home where I am free to follow my beliefs and practices and even teach them to others.  I found a place that feels like home.

As you can imagine, this was a deeply emotional process.  My entire life was tied up there.  Nearly my entire social circle and calendar consisted of this group of people.  I not only lost my life outside the house, but I lost "friends". Why did I put that in quotations?  The people I lost simply because I was going a different way were not true freinds.  A friend wants you to be happy.  The emotional trauma that came from this was from learning how many people had merely pretended to be friends.  I had never expected it to be so many.  The result is a good thing, however. The people who remained behind I KNOW are friends.  This situation is bringing us even closer.  It has also allowed me room to bring in things I have missed in my life but never had time for in my old life.  Not to mention plenty of new friends who like the true me.

I'm finally reading again as I wished.  I even plan on adding some book reviews to the blog in the near future. I have joined two book clubs.  Someone very special to me was sweet enough to get me an Amazon gift card for my birthday.  Nothing could have been better for a book addict who is just getting back to reading what they want! Even more importantly, I finally have the opportunity to start teaching again.  This has been my wish for a long time. I'm sure my teaching will bleed over to this blog as well.

By now you may be wondering what is the point of this blog on my recent changes.  The point is that no matter hard it is, it's not worth staying in a place where you aren't happy.  It's so easy to just go along and deal with it.  You learn to ignore the bad parts because you don't want to give it up for the unknown.  Slowly that dark cloud above your head gets darker and darker. When that little voice in your head tells you it's time for a drastic change, do it.  Close your eyes and take that step into the unknown. I know it's scary. I gave up nearly everything by doing it.  But that step away from the unhappy familiar allows you to recreate your life in a way that makes you happy to wake up every morning!

Remember this great truth - from destruction comes creation.  A garden must have the soil torn up while the remains of the garden before are mixed in if it is to grow.  A good house cannot be built on top of one that has rotten walls & a crumbling foundation. You must tear it down to rebuild a stronger home.  That is what you are doing if you leave an unhappy life. I hope all of you reading this are either truly happy in your life or you are making the changes necessary to find that happiness.  Step out of the shadow of that dark cloud and move forward into the sun!!