Don't Ask for Change Unless You Really Want It!

This story begins a few months ago.  Things in my life were not going well.  I knew that change was needed.  BIG change.  I spent a lot of time thinking about what needed to be done.  But as I thought, I remembered that when I try to force things, they tend to not go so well.  And so, I gave my faith to the gods and asked that my life be changed in the way to best put me on my correct path to make my life the best it could be.  And then I waited.  I just sat back to let them do as they thought best.

I should explain that I tend to work with crone goddesses.  I have been a child of Grandmother Spider for most of my life and I have learned from her how the threads of our lives intersect and twist in ways we usually cannot understand until much later.  I knew because of her that there would be major changes as the threads were rewoven.  Sometimes it would be gentle, sometimes, if twisted too wrongly, it would be sudden and sharp.

And so, here I am in the middle of my thread being rewoven.  My marriage is ending.  I have lost my home and moved in with my mother.  I was diagnosed with another potentially debilitating condition. I am still a child of Grandmother Spider, but I am now working with a new goddess as my primary.  And I lost my sweet baby kitty.  The last may not seem like much to some people, but I cannot have children, so my kitties are my children, and he was so very young.  But that happens sometimes and it seems to have been congenital.

This all sounds horrible, but I remember that I gave my trust to the gods, and so I am working to find the purpose behind it all.  And I am.  My marriage, while not horrible, was extremely stressful to the point of causing health issues.  I was losing my joy due to the constant yelling and negative environment.  And so that ends.  My home was becoming more than we could afford, especially since I can no longer work, and my mother is now alone for the first time in her life and needs me for a while.  And so I now live here with her and my 13 year old kitty.  I was diagnosed with lupus on top of the fibromyalgia, but at least now we know what is wrong and can treat it.  We caught it while I can still make some lifestyle changes to help.  and so i am.

My sweet little kitty was the worst.   His loss was not due to my asking for change, but because it was his time. He was a month shy of three years old.  But he probably shouldn't have lived as long as he did.  As a baby he was diagnosed with likely heart difficulties and we believe that is what happened.  But anyone who met him can tell you he was a little furry bundle of nothing but love and joy.  His sweet little mind couldn't seem to understand anything else, and so we protected him from anything that could harm him through this lack of understanding.  With his passing those of us who loved him have vowed to take his lesson into our hearts and look for the constant joy in life.  It makes such a difference!  All our lives seem to be changing for the better because of it.

And now the biggest change.  The change of primary goddess.  It is not fully official yet, so I decline to name her, but as I change from focusing on the Native American heritage and instead my Welsh I am moving to Welsh goddesses as well.  This is a very drastic change!  It is even led me to dedicate myself into training as Wiccan clergy, something I am very excited about!  Even with the excitement  the change of an entire primary pantheon is life altering in ways I can't even describe.  It leads to a change in your very way of thinking.  But even with this, I am grateful for my time following my Native heritage, and in the end, the two are very similar.

Now here I am, embarking on an exciting new journey.  As I said, don't ask for change unless you really want it!  But if you are willing to accept what may happen and you are ready to set forth on the path you are meant to be on, then go for it!


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